I'm a creative person. I love to bring things to life that come alive in my mind. Though I have never worked up the nerve to share them with anyone. Keeping them my secret. That reminds me of dirty little secret. Well maybe a few of them might be considered that way. Nobody is ever going to know though. I keep them under a passworded documents folder on my computer. I'm a caring person that shows it in even the little ways. Every time I talk to my siblings on the phone I make sure and say Love you. Life is short, and I never realized that till the accident two months ago. I've sat back and thought about things. Which you could call me an overthinker, but it woke me up to a lot of things. Ones I don't take for granted anymore.

When I came into this world mom and dad already had an three year old son TJ, and twin two year old's, Ethan and Ella. After me came four more, Serina, Rebekah, Jace and Blakely. The biggest gap between us siblings was between the twins and me. Mom must have needed a break with them. Especially as wild as Ethan could get. He always seemed to be the loudest of all of us.

When I learned to read I discovered a whole new world. A world to get sucked into and lost, away from the chaos of my siblings. Where I could get lost in the shuffle. When I finished a book I'd be lost in my head dreaming of being in the book myself. Mom said I would be so lost in my daydreams that even when she waved a hand in front of my face, saying my name, it would take more to get me out of it. One time she had one of our dogs we had at the time start licking my face. Still took me a few moments, before I came out of it groaning while pushing Sushi away gagging. Mom just laughed, and hugged me telling me I was going to miss lunch if I didn't come back to reality.

When I'd get books from the local library I'd read them right away, and be ready to go back the next day to get more. I'd fall asleep reading, and waking up the next morning my book would always be on the bedside table. So whether mom or dad came in to check on me and make sure my light was off I don't know. I never asked. The first time that happened I freaked out looking for my book, before noticing it laying on the bedside table letting out a sigh of relief. Grams or mom would take me to the library taking turns. When my older siblings turned sixteen I'd beg them to take me if mom or Grams was busy, and usually they caved and took me on the back of their bike. With my backpack loaded with books both ways.

My mom grew up in New York City. Well the borough of Brooklyn to be exact. Mom was born one of those famous Astors from New York. Technically she grew up in Manhattan. In a luxury penthouse to be exact. You'd never know today that her and Grams lived a life of luxury the way we live now. We're not poor by any means. Grams came from old money herself, and she helps with the share of the bills here in Big Sky having moved here with us. When mom was in grade school they bought a vacation home here in Big Sky. On one of their trips mom met and fell in love with my dad. Mom was disinherited by her father when she married dad. Grams had enough, and divorced Grandpa. I have never met him, and have no desire to do so. Grams died a couple of years ago after being hit by a car after grocery shopping when she was heading to her car. The brakes had gone out on someone's car, and they were unable to stop. They say she died instantly. From what I understand my grandfather is still alive, but I really don't know for sure.

By the time I was seven I was telling mom and Grams all about the books I was reading talking a mile a minute, and my hands doing the talking with me. Then I'd tell them how things should have gone, making them laugh. Mom suggested why don't I write down my own stories. That got me thinking, and I would like to write fanfics for my books. Well at least I think that's what they are called. Somebody told me that. I would have loved to spend all my time reading or writing, but my siblings or my parents would drag me out of my room to go outside and play with the others. I had my own mini-bike working my way up to a dirt bike. I wasn't near as rowdy as my brothers or even my sisters. Sure I did motocross as it was a family thing, but I wasn't as competitive as my siblings. I absolutely loathe competing against them because of the hard feelings that it would cause. If I did have to race one of my siblings I'd let them win so they wouldn't be upset with me, but I'd barely be a length behind them getting second place. So it really wasn't all that bad I guess.

I got a mini bike when I turned four same as my older siblings. Learning to ride was fun. Around six I graduated to a dirt bike. It wasn't long before I was doing Motocross, and I loved that. It was a different kind of competitiveness than other things and I gave it my all! My siblings and I pushed one another in the competing. Between us it was all just fun and games, but when we got to the meets it was us against the world. We all got ore than our fair share of wins. All of our friends were in Motocross too and that made it even better!

When I got to junior high mom talked me into trying out for sports so I did. Volleyball and Basketball I did enjoy. I'd grown up playing softball too which I forgot to mention. I also learned to ice skate at an early age, and did enjoy that. I even took some lessons in figure skating and competed. I wasn't that great, but not bad at all. I did it for fun. I quit when the competitions started making me sick to the stomach with the stress of how the girls acted as some of them could get downright mean. I wasn't about to stoop to their level. Now it's become a part of Christmas time for me to get to go ice skating. My brothers were into playing hockey, and I did like going to their games and watching. Oh yeah I was a cheerleader from junior high through high school. Best part of being a cheerleader was sharing that time with my sisters and cheering for my brothers when they played.

I only had a couple of boyfriends, but they never got serious as they grew tired of my brothers being overprotective of me. My brothers never liked them so I knew they wouldn't amount to anything anyhow. They would get tired of me anyhow when I wouldn't put out. Just a kiss now and then. I wasn't ready for any of that other stuff. Not like it ever got that close anyhow with my brothers always showing up at those times. One day my Prince Charming will come along that my brothers actually like. Till then I have my stories to get lost in. One thing I have never done is let anyone read any of my stories afraid of the feedback that they might give me. To me they are my own little world, so sharing them would open that world to others.

Graduation came and went. Nothing special or out of the ordinary for me I guess. The kids from the club that were in my class and I all had our reception party together. Which was fine with me as I didn't like being totally in the limelight. I would rather share that with others. I was near the top of my class graduating with honors, but not the top of it. For me I'd get my homework done and yeah I studied for tests, but once I had enough I was back to reading or writing as usual. Lit and English were my best classes. Math I could have done without. I absolutely despise it.

I went on to college working on a degree in creative writing. Wasn't even a question of what I was going into, and I loved going to classes and learning more about doing my passion. During my first year I accidently turned in a short story I had written instead of the assignment. I was horrified when I found out what I had done, but my teacher was gushing about it. Saying it was a work of art, and pushed me to send it in to get published. So against my better judgment I submitted it, and it got published. I didn't tell anyone, but my teacher had seen my mom at the supermarket one day, and was gushing to her about it. So she got the publication that it was in and her and dad read it, surprised at it. I was mortified when they brought it up at a family supper one night. I was never one to brag about anything or even talk about my accomplishments. To my horror they had gotten copies for all of my siblings.

They all devoured it as I sat there with my stomach in knots giving up on eating all together. Jace who was a sophomore was the first one done, and he grinned asking when the next one would be coming out that he couldn't wait to read it. I was a bit shocked because if he did read it was something sci fi or fantasy something along those lines. This was a teenage romance of two kids that came from the MC life as we did. I was a bit overwhelmed when my sisters started gushing on it, and even Ethan who never read said it was good, and he'd be waiting for the next one. What they didn't know was that it had all been written in my mind over the years. The next five short stories were already completed on my laptop, and would be going out monthly in the publication. So reluctantly I told them it would be out in a month. There were a few groans of I have to wait that long. It did get easier in the months to come, and sometimes I would let them have a sneak peek. There had to be some perks to being related to the author I figured.

When I finished that series, Well it still had to be published, but when I was done writing them I started a couple of others as they were racing in my mind. The short stories turned into a book deal, and the two new series would be coming out as books instead of in a publication of short stories. My teacher was thrilled about it. Mom was the only one who I ended up letting read the rest of the series early as well as the first two books in each of the new series I had that would be going to be published in the next year or so. She absolutely loved them, and she was to the point where I would print out a chapter when I'd finished it for her to read as she was eagerly awaiting it. Always asking questions about it, and would listen intently as I told her about it. She knew more about my stories than anyone. She was always going on and on to the other old ladies about them, and had them all reading them.

Well my first year of college is over, and it's well into the summer. More time to write so I've gotten quite a lot done. No, I don't devote all my time to writing, but there have been a lot of late nights on my laptop or even my desktop. Saturdays were spent as family day, and I loved that. We'd always go for a ride somewhere a few hours away in Montana making it a whole day of riding and an hour or so of time wherever we went to explore. Two months ago the unthinkable happened. A drunk driver came up behind us as we were going over a bridge. I remember the sound of metal crunching and tires squealing over the rolling thunder. Something I'll never be able to get out of my mind or nightmares. The screams were horrifying that penetrated the air. The drunk driver had hit mom head on taking her over the side of the bridge plunging into the raging river below. The car had clipped Rebekah and Jace's bikes taking them out and they were hurt. There was blood everywhere, and the horrifying sounds of their screams till they passed out from the pain. I was on the phone instantly calling 911 telling them what had happened. They'd be on there way they said. I hung up and called Woody as my next call. I was crying by then as it was quiet now with Rebekah and Jace having passed out. I probably wasn't very coherent on the phone, but he got where we were and that mom had gone over the bridge and my dad and older brothers were looking for her. That Rebekah and Jace were hurt too. I quickly hung up when he said they'd be there soon!

We practically lived at the hospital for the next week with Rebekah and Jace in there. A lot of the time spent crying as mom was never found. Rebekah and Jace would recover, but mom. There was no peace there. The authorities figured that she had been washed down shore, but a body was never found. My brothers were still out searching with the Wild Wolves MC that they were members of. Two months have passed without any closure. I lost my passion for writing, and haven't written anything since the tragic accident that shattered our family. All that mattered was mom. I helped search too but there were no leads or anything. She'd just disappeared into thin air it seemed. Our family is falling apart without being at peace. All of us are spiraling out of control totally out of our own shells. Our hearts are broken, and there is no way to repair them. Something's got to give, before one of us really breaks!