Guess you could say I keep to myself most of the time. The only time I put myself out there is to protect one of my family or friends. My true self is only shown to my family and friends. I'm carefree and easy spirited then. Loving the time I spend with my family. I do keep things bottled up though which can be my downfall. Don't be messing with my siblings either or you'll never see my fist coming for you. Growing up in the life has made me tough, though sometimes I do second guess myself. Never though when it comes to my siblings. I can be quiet unless I'm with my friends and family. They can get me talking. I'm outgoing, and love my job. It doesn't feel like a job at all. I love being outdoors and going camping, fishing, hiking and anything really that deals with the outdoors. I'm just thankful for life and what god has given us.

[smear:#19dde6]Positive:[/smear:#6f2da8:0]
1)Passionate: Being capable of or expressing deep feeling.
2)Adventurous: Willing to try new experiences and take risks.
3)Protective: Inclined to safeguard, shield, or carefully supervise the persons or items in one's charge.
4)Courageous: Possessing the mental or moral resilience to face opposition, danger, or difficulties despite one's fear.
5)Nature-Focused: Preferring natural resources over artificial ones; being strongly attuned to nature.
6)Nurturing: Having the desire and ability to nourish and further the development of others.

[smear:#6f2da8]Negative Traits:[/smear:#19dde6:0]
1)Perfectionist: Perceiving anything less than perfection as failure.
2)Stubborn: Unyielding or obstinate.
3)Workaholic: Someone who works compulsively, sacrificing other interests and responsibilities.
4)Mischievousness: Maliciously or impishly troublesome.
5)Impulsive: Acting on desires, whims, or inclination without forethought.
6)Reckless: Marked by a lack of proper caution; being careless of consequences.

I was born a twin. We were the second born of our family. Well the second and third born children. Technically the second pregnancy of my mother. My twin is my best friend and confidant. Unless it's something drastic, and I'd rather take it to the grave one day. Ella is her name, and I am Ethan. Our older brother TJ welcomed us home that day. After us there were five more born into the family. In total there were three boys and five girls. Lyra, Serina, Rebekah, Jace, and Blakely.

Growing up I became quite protective of my twin sister, and my younger siblings when they came along. Pretty sure it drives Ella crazy when I know she can take care of herself, but I can't help it. It's as if it's ingrained inside of me. Guess you could say I got it from dad always watching him growing up, and how he protected mom and us kids. I couldn't have asked for a better childhood with parents like mine. One look, and you could see how much my parents loved one another. Something I hoped to have one day too.

I was a normal kid with a biker for a dad.. An outlaw one pretty much, and grew up in the club life. Getting to go for rides on his bike was the highlight of the day. We all got mini bikes when we were about four or so learning how to ride them. Joined Motocross the moment I was of age to do so, and loved it! It was more than a blast! Talk about an adrenaline rush! Enjoying motocross with my siblings was even better. We were on the same team, and made it a game when we would go up against one another which wasn't often. We all rose up in the ranks pretty fast.

Junior high I tried all the sports, and football was definitely my favorite. Between it and motocross I was more than busy all through my teenage years. Lost my virginity at fifteen to a hot sweetbutt on a dare from my older brother TJ who was sixteen at that time. He didn't think I'd get the sweetbutt, but I proved him wrong much to his dismay. I could be pretty suave when I wanted to be. I had a feeling I was becoming a man at an earlier age than he had. I found it very nice!

Ella and I were more than close still, and I loved her more than anything. Over the years I made sure the boys stayed away from her too since I didn't trust any of them with her. I'm pretty sure TJ had his share of blocking the guys from her too as well as chasing off the boys from the rest of our sisters. Kept the bullies away from the younger ones too, putting bullies in their place. Never becoming a bully myself. Always the protector.

When I turned eighteen I started prospecting to the Wild Wolves MC like my dad and my brother TJ before me. It wasn't much fun, but I worked my ass off proving myself to the club. I respected the Wolves though, and they respected me. It was visiting bikers that were rare for here that I had the problems with. Bruno was his name, and he became my worst nightmare. I was the last prospect there one night at the clubhouse cleaning up the bar area. I had already gotten weird vibes from this guy so I was trying to avoid him. Dad had gone home, and TJ was in one of the back rooms with a sweetbutt so I was having to wait on him to head home too.

Bruno cornered me, and the rest of it I've tried to block out over the years. Never have told anyone about it, and tried not to act any different. Ella knew something was wrong though, and so did my parents. I kept my mouth shut though I was too afraid to tell anyone anything. Going back to the clubhouse while Bruno was still there was one of the hardest things I've had to ever do. I was scared, but tried to not let it show. TJ was trying to get it out of me what was wrong and so was Ella, but I didn't crack. I knew TJ and Dad were watching me, but when they were in church they were none the wiser to what was going on.

It was a relief when Bruno and the couple of guys he was with left. What he did to me stays bottled up from everyone. He took something from me that I'll never get back, and made me lose my trust in people. Sure the Big Sky guys had my trust, and my family. It was anyone who visited that I would try to stay away from the clubhouse. Dad and TJ had grown more protective of me too after that time, but they still didn't know why, and that was one secret that was going to stay buried. Or I hoped that it would. I didn't want anyone knowing my greatest shame.

After graduating I only got a full time job as a High Mountain Ranger. I kept to myself most of the time except within the club and my family. Nightmares still wake me up from that time all those years ago, and I've never forgotten that fear and shame that I felt during that time. I don't think that it will ever go away. Nor the nightmares that keep reminding me of the pain and confusion from that time.

Two months ago my whole family went out for a Saturday afternoon ride having fun. Something we did every week to leave our cares and troubles behind us for at least a little while. It was an ordinary day and ride just like all of them we'd been on before till tragedy struck. A car coming from behind us came up fast and we never saw it coming. They were weaving back and forth. Mom, Jace and Rebekah were in the back of the line and he took mom out clipping the other two making their bikes spin out of control. We had come up on a bridge over the Gallatin River. The impact took her flying off the bridge with the drunk driver and his car.

It felt like time stood still there for I don't know how long. Getting off my bike and running over I looked over the edge of the bridge hearing the screams of pain from Rebekah and Jace till they passed out. I saw mom's bike had crashed on a rock about thirty feet down from us. The car was upside down half in the river and half out of it. Mom I didn't see at all. Noticing Dad and TJ running across the bridge I glanced at my sisters and little brother. Lyra was already on the phone calling for help so I ran after Dad and TJ to help find mom.

When we got down there the drunk driver was crawling out of his car and was dragging himself up on shore. We ignored him and kept looking for mom. Hearing a scream from the car TJ ran over, and pulled a woman out of the passenger side who was pretty banged up. She was hurt pretty bad, and old bruises on her probably from the drunk driver who TJ got into a fight with when he told him to get away from his girl. Dad had kept looking for mom following the current hoping to find her as he ran down the side of the river. I went after him watching the water for any signs of mom.

When help finally got there they took Rebekah and Jace to the hospital. The rest of my sisters headed to the hospital on their bikes to be there for Rebekah and Jace. Ella though I figured wouldn't leave till I did. The club had shown up at some time. I figure that one of the girls had probably called them. Hours passed and TJ and some of the Wild Wolves were trying to get dad to head back to our bikes. Sun was going to be setting soon. The car and moms bike had been taken away, and there was no sign of mom anywhere. The authorities said the white water could have taken her down the river. Sometimes bodies were never found after they went into the river.

We went to the hospital where they had to sedate dad who was going off the deep end. We spent a lot of time that week at the hospital, and TJ, some of the club and I kept going out looking along the river following the current for miles. Trying to find any signs. The drunk driver had been treated for minor injuries then taken into police custody. My siblings spent a week in the hospital with their injuries. Thankfully none of them were life threatening. Jace had a broken arm, and lots of scrapes and bruises. They hadn't been told about mom until the day after. Jace didn't let that stop him from riding though when he got out of the hospital. One of the guys in the club had let him borrow one of his old bikes now that his bike was out of commission. Both his and Rebekah's bikes were a loss unfortunately. We were just lucky to still have them with us.

It's been two months now, and they never found mom's body. The authorities have stopped looking now, but we haven't really given up. Ella and I have gone out looking farther down the river and talking to people in towns along the way wondering if anyone has shown up with mom's description. There have been no leads. I keep hoping mom is alive and out there somewhere. Something keeping her from coming back to us. That she'd just not totally gone. All we can really do is take one day at a time right now and keep holding onto that hope that she's still alive, and will come back to us.